Just Say Maybe

One of my least favorite pieces of advice is: “If it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a fuck no!” Really? You never tried something you weren’t sure about and then found that you liked it after all?

The purpose of this saying, like most advice, is to give people a false sense of control over their experience. Treating uncertainty as a definite “no” shields us from possible disappointment. But it also keeps us from exercising true choice, which only ever comes when there is risk.

The problem is: we often confuse intuition with reactivity. The voice in your head that says, “Don’t take that chance,” “Don’t try that thing,” is not necessarily your deepest wisdom. That doesn’t mean you should disregard it. It means you need to evaluate it from a place outside of reactivity.

“Yes” and “no” are concepts belonging to the thinking mind, which is more interested in making a case for ideas than in seeing where true happiness lies. The heart doesn’t speak the language of “yes” and “no”. It speaks the language of alignment, which is a knowing beyond concepts.

The Buddha compared this to how a master carpenter knows a piece of wood by feel. In the same way, the heart feels the rough and smooth edges of life, without judgment, without making a case for anything, just knowing: “This is stress,” “This is freedom from stress.” When we let our hearts feel, our lives naturally organize themselves around that knowing. We don’t have to push.

Scroll through the Internet, and you’ll see so many assertions whose opposites are also true. “Anger is hurting you.” “Anger is healing you.” “You need time alone.” “You need time in community.” When I read these statements, I often say out loud, “Well, maaaybe!”

There’s great power in maybe. Maybe liberates you from the courtroom drama of your mind and restores your faith in simple awareness. You don’t need to have so many opinions. Just keep observing, and a power greater than opinion will bend your life into harmony.

Painting by Flora Yukhnovich